Do you have a child that has HUGE EMOTIONS??
I do. Meet Jake.
He was a force to be reckoned with before he even arrived. This kid had me sweating and put on bedrest at 28 weeks. After he arrived he was what some label a “Dragon Baby” where he spent day and night crying and screaming.
Early on I realized Jake suffers with anxiety. I often wonder can a child have anxiety even before they are born because after having a colic child where there was never any answers to “why is he crying ALL. THE. TIME.?!” I feel he was born with it.
I carried him in my arms, swaying/bouncing him and making soothing sounds for so long that I still catch myself swaying out of habit. Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do but it was all that calmed him and allowed me to survive … being close to me calmed him then and it still does.
He still has “feelings” as Jake refers to it. Before he goes to school or if he knows I am working away from home are a couple examples of when. It consumes him some nights where he can’t sleep… these “feelings” take over and he becomes overwhelmed.
At nearly 8 years old he is a wise ol’ owl with a talent to entertain, tell stories make jokes and argue that he is right like his life depends on it. He is loud, he is passionate, He is one of a kind! For those of you who know Jake can fully understand what I am talking about. He still makes me sweat, he still makes me to lean into all my “tools” to help manage stress, he still leaves me wanting to pull my hair out.
As a parent it can be exhausting… not to mention I have 3 more kids with needs, wants and different personalities that need their Mom as well. I have had my share of freakouts that left me feeling guilt and shame. Embarrassed at how I REACTED rather then RESPONDING with love. I have laid in bed at night feeling like a failure… letting those voices creep in telling me how “I am not cut out for this! I am not a good Mom! They deserve better!”
Over the years I have realized the connection between stress and self regulation. Learning into my own practice has allowed me to see the importance in providing the kids with these same tools that I myself need so badly. Things like movement, mindset, perspective, gratitude all keep me in a good headspace to manage stress and keep me moving forward.
I started to build these habits with the kids. I have been teaching my kids about self-regulation and recognizing what they are feeling. Communicating their feelings in a healthy way rather then screaming and fighting. DISCLAIMER: THEY STILL FIGHT AND ARGUE AND HAVE FITS. It is in those times, if I can grab hold of my own urge to react (power in the pause) and take those moments to use as a teaching moment then I feel like I win and they gain another brick in their foundation of life.
Their is a POWER IN THE PAUSE!! This will have to be another post for another time!
Just today Jake was upstairs playing a video game. Now, I am trying to give the kids freedoms and privileges … my kids say, “all the other kids do it!” And I honestly am okay with a little screen time. I am a believer that life is about balance!
However, when the screaming, crying and fist come out! HECK NO!! It’s done!
Jake had this experience today… he was losing his cool big time! Like I explained earlier, he has HUGE EMOTIONS– good and bad ones! So when he started having a fit he was called down and we had a team meeting with all three boys who were playing together to figure out what was happening. I knew ultimately what happened but I want to sit everyone down to talk about it and have an opportunity to share their side of the story.
After all was said, Jake was extremely over stimulated and had way to much time playing a game really hypes him up. Sensory overload mixed with his need (self pressure) to be better than his siblings resulted in him going into a full blown freakout.
The older boys were told to leave. I didn’t speak to Jake right away. I laid out our “Mindful MInute Mat” lit some sage, put out some essential oils along with my book of breathing exercises. without saying anything Jake sat on the mat and immediately had a shift in energy.
He picked the oil, he started flipping thru the breathing options and he began to calm himself.
After, he was fully relaxed we talked. We hugged. He Understood.
This is real life. This works.
My family is no different than yours. I am no different of a parent than you.
It seems “weird” in the beginning to sit and focus on your breathing when you are feeling angry or sad or overwhelmed. However, until you get yourself and/or your kids in a place of “calm” then there is no way they can understand the lesson you are teaching them. There is no way you can see things from their perspective if you are a Mom feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
I promise it gets better…. JUST BREATHE!!
~L
HappyRunningMad 